Supporting a loved one with alzheimers
Excerpt from Mudcakes and Roses February 2023 Edition.
“Tessa Wood, a trained teacher and nutrition health and wellness coach, shares her personal experience of supporting a loved one wiht Alzheimers and what she has learned along the way. You might find some of her suggestions helpful if you are facing this situation”.
Every year brings its delights and challenges, but I’m sliding into 2023 facing more challenges than usual; I’m supporting a family member who has Alzheimers, whilst also growing my business and undertaking more training.
Through my studies as a Nutrition Health and Wellness Coach I learned how to support myself and others by improving their health and wellbeing. Last year I completed a certificate course in Understanding Dementia and I am now studying what science says about decreasing susceptibility of dementia (Tasmania University).
When someone I love very much was diagnosed with Alzheimers, I felt blessed to already have some background understanding of the changes in her behaviour and what lay behind those changes.
However, I have found that it’s one thing to have theoretical knowledge, and another to translate that knowledge into practical actions on a day to day basis, when so much personal emotion is involved. I swing between feeling frustrated, to feeling guilty, as well as a deep sadness when I think about what lies ahead.
Based on my own experience ad observations over the last year, I would like to share a few understandings that you might find helpful if you are facing the same situation.
Firstly, I advise you to leave your ideas of what’s true or real at the door. If someone has dementia or alzheimers, they may say something that is not altogether accurate, or true to us. Don’t feel obliged to correct them. There is really nothing to be gained from doing so, I have learned it’s better to ‘go with the flow’.
Secondly, I’ve discovered that life is a balancing act now, more so than ever before. I need to make sure that my loved one has enough social connection and stimulation, but not too much. I notice that with too little stimulation, she muddles more words and suffers increased anxiety. On the other hand, if there is too much going on, lots of busy-ness, she also becomes more muddled and a little bit anxious. It is a total balancing act!
Thirdly, I feel it is important to be aware of just how tired a person with Alzheimers can become. Imagine how tired you would feel if you had to work twice as hard to follow conversations, and remember objects, people, names and places!
If you are caring for or supporting someone with Alzheimers or Dementia, it’s important to be aware of your own needs. Take time out for yourself. It can be a tough road. You too might feel extra tired, or out of your depth.
There are everyday things that you can do to look after yourself, including keeping yourself physically healthy and looking after your own emotional wellbeing. In my work as a Health and Wellness Coach I see that when people make changes that improve their own health, their ability to deal with life’s challengers improves too.
Support and information is available locally. Just the other day I found myself ringing the 0800 number for Alzheimers NZ and was greeted by a friendly voice that was able to help me with a particular issue. You might find it helpful to join a support group of other people who are facing some of the same dilemmas.
MORE INFO: Alzheimers NZ - website alzheimers.org.nz. Ph: 0800 004 001 or 03 546 7702 (Nelson office). Age Concern - 03-544 7624 (Richmond, Tasman office).